we lose things all the time.

some big.

some small.

some permanently.

some temporarily.

I lost some stuff in the last few years.

My job. My partner. My home. My breasts. My company. My mum. My friends.

All in different ways.

I struggle to be with the loss while being a highly functioning member of society.

Keep it together while being a good employee / a good partner / a good friend / a good mentor .. all the “jobs” I held continued as i lost things, and i was expected to perform as usual.

What was odd was how people are around me and how i am around people.

We keep bumping into each other. Some avoid me because they don’t know what to say, some say they’re here and that i should call. whenever.

Employers gave a 2 day compassionate leave and then expected it all to be back to business.

In all these awkward interactions, what was difficult was to be with “loss” and make space for the black hole that remains after.

how do we create space for what is lost. for what is not.